When hypothesizing my Fear experiment, I came to the conclusion that most of my classmates would be understand about my fear.
The reaction I got was shocking. Most people looked shocked and that was about it. Few people looked understanding, probably because they find themselves in the same situation that I do.
I expected that everyone would be understanding. After all, it is known that I am a gamer. But what I actually got as a response was more alarming to me. Along with the shock, I did see a few reactions of nearly disgust on a few faces. Almost as if how could I spend that much of my life playing video games that have no real outcome on my life?
How would I change my experiment? I would document every moment of gaming for a month. Maybe even longer. And compare that to how much I work, go to school, and do homework as well as sleep. I feel that on a longer experiment.
One question struck me the most.
Would I be able to quit?
At first I thought, well yeah, I definatly could. They are just games. But then I realized that they just weren’t games to me. I often feel like I can’t accomplish what I wish I could do in real life. Every boy, girl, whatever has the dream of being a hero. They want to save people, or everyone, or the universe. But let’s be honest. Not everyone is cut out for that, or physically able to. I sometimes play games for the feeling of accomplishment, the fact that I can play as someone, and feel like they are me, and save the universe appeals to me. Mass Effect has been one of my all time favorite series of games. Recently in March the 3rd, and suppose to be final installment was released. I played 25 hours plus the week it came out. I loved the game, but once I beat it, and saw the outcome of what me, or my character chose to do, I honestly felt depressed. It felt great to fight for the universe for 3 games. And then, the very end, when everything was concluded and all the story arcs of the characters were finished, I found myself sad, torn apart, and slightly depressed about those who died. It was kind of a huge realization to me.
I also play games for the competitiveness. I am not an athletic person, by any means. I physically cannot run anymore, lift heavy objects, etc. And when I play multiplayer games I feel like the better I am I can make up for that. If I can beat a group of players, there is my feeling of success in competitiveness.
I also play games to relax, escape from the world, and my problems, and solve someone elses. Playing Skyrim is a blast for me. I am teleported to this world where I am a Dragonborn, the only person in this world who can fully kill a dragon, and the entire fate of this land is up to me. I don’t have to deal with the main problem right away, but I can go outside and adventure, hunt animals, make friends, etc.
I really don’t think I could quit playing games so much. I could most likely cut back, but not fully quit playing for long periods of time.
The fear project that most appealed to me was Kumar. One main part struck me. He doesn’t want to end up like his brother. And neither do I. His fear is exactly matched to mine. I know other people feel the way, but to find someone and see that they understand, and that they know I understand really got to me.